What's the worst thing I could have done today?

Well, I had the munchees really badly today. The watermelon at 9 a.m. just didn't quite cut it.

I held out til lunchtime. I even put back the packet of marshmallows I was going to buy.

However, I bought a packet of a new low fat granola to try, and then opened the packet to check it was what I thought it was and not something like Grape Nuts. It was. And I tried it. And I then gradually helped myself to a few handfuls during the afternoon.

But, that's not the worst. Oh no. I then decided to try one of the Nigerian snacks that some of my colleagues had made (their sweepstake team was Nigeria). Big mistake. Huge. Small, tiny, slightly sweetened bread balls... which were then fried in butter. I had quite a few.

But, that's still not even the worst thing.

No, the worst thing is that I don't really want to go to the gym now.... and so I'm not going to.

The dumbass thing about all of this is that I knew when I ate the snacks I shouldn't have that it would put me in the right frame of mind for just going home and relaxing. I knew that I wouldn't end up going to the gym, and I knew that the snacks were highly fattening.

And yet still I did it!

Why?

I'm not sure. I've been a bit bored today (the job I was doing was mind numbing just copying and pasting), I've been a little bit fed up and my lack of progress, it's Friday and I just got really bad snack cravings. And I gave into them. Totally and utterly.

Maybe I don't want the weight loss enough? Maybe I'm so utterly bored with watching what I eat on a daily basis for the past 12 years (80% of the time anyway). Maybe I'm starting to feel too comfortable with the extra pounds that I really shouldn't be carrying.

What can I do to light a fire under myself and get my head back in the game? I don't know what to motivate myself with anymore. The image of me being slimmer is not enough, because a] I don't know what I would look like slim, and b] being slim would been having to be in control 100% of the time, for the rest of my life; and I'm so exhausted of the effort (hah!) right now that I just can't be bothered.

I need to get my mojo back before I end up at 200lbs again.