Hmm

Well, I realised why I had the munchees so badly on Friday - TOTM (sorry if TMI).

The thing that annoyed me the most was that, as I was leaving the office, I resolved to go to the gym. Having eaten all that crap, I decided to take responsbility and go to the gym to at least try and minimise the damage.

Unfortunately the universe had other plans, because I got out of the car park. And then sat in traffic for nearly an hour, and travelled a distance of about 3 miles.

I eventually got home, and baked brownies to take to the friend we were visiting on Saturday. I ate one hot out of the oven. I really didn't know what to cook for dinner either - bad planning... and so I ended up having a massive bowl of pasta with Mediterranean veggies - except I didn't weigh the pasta out. For pudding (bad) I had another brownie and some low fat (HAH!) ice cream.

We watched the football match, which was a waste of time because England were pretty rubbish.

On Saturday, we got up early and drove to Leeds to see a friend. We went to a Farmers Market and got some bits for lunch. I was pretty good actually, I filled up on salad and had a tomato & polenta filo parcel thing while the other two had 2 bits each.

Then I had some fruit (and a brownie) for pudding.

We then went out to visit a local country house, which was once home to Princess Mary. It was fascinating as they had an exhibit about the below stairs staff, and then you went upstairs to see all the beautifully decorated and wonderfully ornate rooms.

We went to the gift shop and I bought a new straight sided jug. And sampled some of their fudge.

And then we had a brownie before wondering around the bird gardens and looking at the penguins and flamingos.

For dinner we had a Thai takeaway - I tried to make a good choice and avoided anything with coconut in, or that was deep fried.

But then we played Scrabble, drank Pimms and had another brownie.

So, that's 3 brownies in one day. And everything else that I ate. But I took my Alli. And had no side effects. So I am definitely going to fix up a blood test and figure out what is wrong that the Alli is not working.

Not a huge surprise really then, when I got on the scales this morning and was back up to 13st 1lb again.

The slightly depressing thing is that I looked at my diary from last year, and this time last year I was over a stone lighter. So I know I can do it. I just can't seem to get my head in the game at all.

Yesterday I was organised though, and I cooked some vegetables with which to make my lunch. We made pizza for dinner, from scratch, and I made sure I piled mine high with veggies, and was lighter on the cheese.

So - back to the gym today - try and work off some of the weekend. If I work hard and stay on the straight and narrow, I might get back down to 12st 12lb by weigh day - which will mean another week without weight loss.

How do I get back into this? My 12 weeks to lose 12lbs has now become 10 weeks to lose 14lbs, which is do-able, but I need to work really hard, and with weekends planned as I have, I don't know how to do it.

This week, I have my in laws staying. They like cakes and biscuits and potatoes, and aren't that keen on pasta and lots of veggies.

I do have a 5k Race for Life though. The weekend after, we have friends coming over for a 4th July BBQ - not too bad as one of the friends has an intolerance to fat (I need that!) and so she and I will be eating very healthily. The weekend after that, we are probably going to be going sailing one of the days with my dad.

Which all sounds easy to control, except I also have a couple of work nights/days away which are always really tough. The first one, this week, I'm not going to drink at, and there is no evening meal, so that should be okay. The next one, I'm not going to drink and that should make the evening meal easier. The week after we are out on the town, and as a new team, my boss wants us all to bond, and she is a big believer in drinking as the easiest way to do that.

Actually, screw the excuses. I CAN do this. I need to remember the NO word. I need to stop having internal dialogues about whether or not I'm going to eat something I shouldn't and just NOT eat it. No discussions, no arguments. It's all about taking back CONTROL, because I know that once I feel in CONTROL again, the saying NO and the being focused becomes SO MUCH EASIER. I've got to stop making this so difficult for myself, and stop sabotaging my own efforts.