I am at a loss.
I had 2 weeks on holiday where we ate a 2 course breakfast every day, cheese and ham rolls and low fat Pringles for lunch (and then onto 3 course lunches when we moved to full board), and 3 course dinners including 3 scoops of ice cream for pudding. We had wine and/or cocktails most nights.
And yet, I put on no weight at all. Nothing. Nada.
This past couple of weeks, I had a stretch of 10 days being oh so good, averaging 1,200 calories a day, and keeping on top of my fat intake. I ran 3 times a week, and managed to run 10k interval training on Friday. I lost 6lb according to the scales on Saturday morning.
This weekend I admit I ate and drank a lot. Certainly on the Saturday. On Sunday I ate more than I would ordinarily, but not a huge amount more.
Yet I seem to have put back on 5lb!
I just don't get it - how can I not put on weight consistently overeating for 2 weeks, yet put on weight eating too much for only 2 days.
Yesterday I fell off the wagon big time. I got home from a rubbish run at the gym (only managed 5k) and had the remaning 4 scones that my husband had baked on Sunday. And my dinner (brown rice, butter beans, courgette, aubergine, pepper, cherry tomatoes).
The scones took me to well over 2,000 calories and a whopping 22g of fat. I am ashamed. Totally ashamed.
How did I feel so great on Saturday morning when I realised I'd lost 6lb to feeling so sh1t on Monday when I let myself relax and cut loose and put on 5lb?
Why did I let myself relax? I thought I deserved it. I thought a couple of days off wouldn't have such a massive impact - after all, I've had a couple of days off each week in the past and still managed to lose something or at least maintain.
And now I am dreading the coming weekend. We're away for Hubby's belated birthday weekend at a B&B we love, but one that is notorious for its delicious breakfasts. We are also going out for a meal out at a fish/seafood place we like. I had booked a cab so that we could both drink, but now I'm thinking that I really shouldn't drink.
And now I'm caught - Hubby hates it when we go out for meals and he feels like I can't just relax and choose what I want. It makes him feel bad and he can't enjoy his meal either if he feels like I'm not enjoying it.
I have to make the right food choices though. I can't come back from this weekend away having put on another 5lb in the space of 2 days.
We also have the following weekend to contend with, and then numerous ones after that.
I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that if I want to lose this weight then I can't have any meals out, no social life, and an unhappy Hubby.
I have 12 weeks until we go to the USA. I want to lose at least 12lb, if not more. I know that's do-able. But only if we have no weekends away or meals out. Unfortunately we have virtually every weekend with one if not 2 social engagements and meals out.
I don't know how to make this work. I feel tearful and fearful that I'll never be able to make this work.
I'm wondering if I should take a 3 month sabbatical and go and book into a Fat Camp to just shift the weight once and for all and learn how to maintain it properly, Do such things exist? I need a kind of Biggest Loser house that isn't too expensive.
2 comments:
This - I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that if I want to lose this weight then I can't have any meals out, no social life, and an unhappy Hubby. - is simply NOT true.
You put on 5 pounds, but seriously, take a step back and think about it. Did you actually put on 17500 calories? That's hypothetically what 5 pounds would weigh in calories :) No. You didn't. Your scale does NOT tell you your body's breakdown. You have water weight, perhaps from sodium, perhaps from sugar. You need to stop defining your progress on the scale ALONE. It's crippling. I've been in that boat before. And you'll never be happy because you'll always be freaking out about the scale.
Why let a mechanical thing run your life? Go live your life. Be happy. Go for walks, exercise because you enjoy it, and realize that you're making a life long change. It's not a race to see who can lose 100 pounds in a year. You need sustainable changes.
You can only maintain and lose properly if you find balance. You'll need to find guilt-free eating, you know, eat a scone and actually ENJOY your scone. But how to get there, well, I can't tell you. Because that's your own journey. It'll be a rough one, and you'll want to cry, kick and scream, but you need to go down that path. You need to find a reason to lose weight that isn't about losing weight. You need to aim for health.
It's a lot to take in, but I know you can do it. You need to be happy. Be patient with your body. :)
Thanks Jess. I know you're right about the sustainable eating, but the truth is that I've tried that and I ended up getting to where I am now.
I have to keep control otherwise the pounds just creep on in the long term.
I am trying to find a balance, but I just can't seem to crack it.
I guess at least I am healthy - I am fit, and eat healthily for the most part. But it's not enough. I don't know why, but I just hate what I see when I look in the mirror most days.
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