Okay, so first day on Alli yesterday and no side effects.
I don't know if it's a placebo effect, but it is certainly helping me say no in the face of temptation.
Like yesterday for example. Mid morning I'm at a hotel, just done giving a presentation and I'm walking out past a coffee point, with packets of biscuits and some fruit. I'm hungry. But I know that if I eat something with fat in it things will get icky.
So. I pick up an apple.
Similarly last night - I got home from the gym (7k in 39 minutes doing interval training!), and was really quite hungry. I watered the garden, and was very tempted to see what I could find in the cupboard to tide me over til dinner. But no. I knew that wasn't part of the plan.
I used to be able to do this relatively easily and I am still sooo cross with myself that I am resorting to a pill - I've never believed in faddy diets or things like gastro bands or surgery, so I am beating myself up about not having the strength to do this on my own anymore - especially when I've done it before so I know I can.
Anyhoo, it was a good gym session, and I came in at about 1,200 calories all in all. The 17g fat a meal must be wrong - surely that's the amount for a day?!
I'm not as well organised today - I didn't get time to make my lunch last night or this morning, so it's going to have to be another shop bought lunch - and I'm thinking of going to the cinema tonight so that may well be another meal bought. Still, at least they have all the nutritional information on the packaging so I can figure it out.
In other news, me a Hubby ended up having a long chat last night. As I had feared before he started this new job, he feels like he's leaving me behind. He's joining all these clubs with work and having a week day social life and a great career. He feels that I'm trying to live my life through him. Which is really the last thing on my mind - I thought I was being supportive, encouraging him to join all these things and telling him not to worry about me being at home on my own. I told him I'm quite happy pottering along in my job and not going out all the time. He thinks I'm depressed.
He doesn't get that I am just not ambitious. He doesn't get that I am too exhausted to have a social life during the week - what with the gym, and then shopping/emptying bins day, I like my Thursday evening couch potato-ing.
However, my biggest fear is that if I don't start pushing myself to do some other stuff, then he'll find me boring and will turn to other people for mental stimulation. How do I grow with him in our marriage without taking on loads of extra responsibilities and activities that I don't want to do? He wants us to grow together, but I'm starting to realise that this is pretty much going to be it, for me. I don't want a promotion. I'm realising that the lifestyle I want is not compatible with the salary that I earn and I am making adjustments.
I just don't have a life plan anymore because I realised that mine was unrealistic. There's no way I could force him to buy us a house in New England. I won't ask him to work doubly hard so that I can stay at home and have a dog. I won't ask him to commute much longer than a couple of hours a day. Because it's not fair on him.
I thought I was being quite selfless and supportive, but apparently I am being aimless and stagnant.
The thing is, he started his career working in big cities where he met up with friends during the week. I started mine living with my ex and looking after our home. I've never been that bothered about going out during the week - and given the effect a late night has on me for the following day, I don't really want to start.
How do I get some drive back? How do I keep him from falling out of love with me?
In other other news - my broody stage has passed, and so, it appears, has his. The question of me filling my time by looking after a family didn't even come up for discussion.
2 comments:
A few thoughts:
1. You ARE doing this one your own, and needing a pill to help isn't a character flaw. Do you look down on people who need help to quit smoking? Probably not, so don't beat yourself up over this!
2. 17g of fat is not enough for your body each day. The recommended daily allowance for fat per day for someone eating 2,000 calories per day is 65 grams. So adjusting that for your lower calorie intake (which I think is too low, but I'll shut up about that!), you should be consuming about 40 grams of fat per day. Most of it should be unsaturated and try using healthy fats like avocados, olive oil, nuts, etc.
3. I don't think you should have to live LIKE your hubby in order to grow with him. What about choosing some things you can do TOGETHER to continue to cement your relationship? I don't see why is is worried about what you are doing when he is off doing his own thing - time when you are not together, you should be able to spend as you please. What about instituting a weekday date-night where you guys go for walks, go hiking, cook a meal, or do otherwise low-key things together?
Hiya - I just feel like a bit of a hypocrite really.
I'm really struggling with the fat intake thing - I had a look at some of the full fat salads and sandwiches on offer at lunchtime and some of them had a phenomenal amount of fat. I think maybe I need to take some time out to draw up some meal plans - I guess I'm just worried that if I start eating that much fat and calories I'm going to pile on the weight as it's so much more than I was allowed on WW.
We do do lots together - especially at weekends, but we also try and have a date night once a week to go for a meal or to the cinema. And then there are weekends when we go off and do our own thing. I guess he's more concerned at my lack of drive and ambition and thinks I'm depressed - or that I'm relying on him to provide the desire to move our life forward. I guess the problem is that our life isn't how I dreamed yet, and I'm increasingly becoming aware that my dreams were fantasy and incompatible and therefore unachievable. So therefore I'm trying to be happy and grateful for what we've got... which he has interpreted as not having any aspiration or drive.
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