Consistency is key

Fundamentally that's what seems to be the problem with me and my inability to shift this weight. I am not consistent. In the slightest.

I have good days during the week, throw it all out of the window at the weekends and start the week back where I was the week before. I get up to speed at the gym, going 3 times a week, and then I have a week where I barely manage to go and it takes me weeks to recover and get back to where I was.

I am pretty much giving up on the running challenge. Hubby has not been able to build up any significant distances, and with the new job he pretty much hasn't gone to the gym since before we went on holiday. I've run nearly 350k on my own, but it's not really enough to get both of us through the challenge. Also, we've only raised 6% of our total goal, which is pathetic, quite frankly. I think we're just going to have to give the money back to those who have sponsored us and be done with it.

The problem is, I think, is that people know that I run, and they don't see it as a challenge for me as they've sponsored me for half marathons before. What I tried to share was the loathing I have for it, and that in itself demands a great commitment from me.. but apparently it's not enough to inspire people to sponsor us.

My weight is pretty inconsistent as a result of all of this. I say one thing. I do another. I say I want to lose the weight, want to be a healthy weight if we do decide to try for a baby, want to have an "easy" pregnancy and not pile on the pounds. Yet, here I am, the day after I sold cupcakes for a bake sale and ended up eating two myself.

It's simply not good enough, but I don't know what motivates me any more. I don't know how to give myself the mental kick up the jacksie. I've tried talking to myself, berating myself, encouraging myself, but I just can't stick to it.

I've made an appointment to see the doctor on Friday. I'm going to see if I can get a prescription to Orlistat. I have a feeling that if I know the yucky side effects if I eat the wrong stuff, that will encourage me to be more consistent. That said, it only absorbs 30% of your dietary fat anyway, and on an average basis, I really don't eat that much fat, but maybe it will have a placebo effect and keep me on the straight and narrow.

In other news I really need to sort my hair out - the grey is showing, and the style has grown out and it looks terrible.

On Friday, Hubby is away, so I am planning a back to back cinema night - The Back Up Plan and Dear John. Last weekend, after we had recovered from the niece and nephew's birthday party on the Saturday, we did sushi and then Kick Ass and Iron Man 2 - we still have a lot of films to go and see to make up for not going for months on our passes (£13.99 a month unlimited films) so I figure 2 more on Friday will get me some value at least.

Exciting stuff as well - tomorrow I need to drop a spare house key off to the fireplace fitting man - they're finally ready to fit our fireplace on Monday.

As a result, Hubby and I have decided that moving out to a village in Bucks is pure fantasy at the moment. We got all excited because 2 of our neighbours houses have sold fast, so we were thinking this was the time for us to move... but then we thought about all the stuff we still want to do to the house and figured we should get that done, and enjoy it for a few years before we move. I'm not sure how I feel about raising a child in our house as we'd lose a spare room, but it's not like we use it that often anyway and there's always a B&B down the road.

It makes sense to stay though - it's a great house, in a great location with lovely views - why add to our commuting time if we really don't have to?

Anyways, that's my life at the moment. Now to book a haircut!