So.

Hubby is happy - he has new job to look forward to, and with the comments and emails he's had from his existing colleagues, he's starting to feel more confident again about moving forward.

Ironically he has been contacted twice yesterday about another job - one he applied for last year, but was turned down because he didn't have enough retail experience. The hiring company have "decided to go in another direction" and they've upped the salary offer too. It's ironic for another reason as well - the hiring company is an agency that he'll be using in his new job - and one he's hoping that he can eventually cut from the roster as they increase their capability in house. Payback indeed.

Me? Well, I'm feeling a bit at a loose end. We had these plans for our new business, and although it was going to be hard work, it was giving me something else to think about other than the daily grind. But I'm not sure where to go with that now. Hubby will have less time to spend on it in his new job, and we keep being pipped at the post it seems - I spotted one of the product lines we want to do in the Lakeland catalogue this morning.

I've been working solidly for nearly 11 years. I haven't taken a break longer than 2 weeks really, and I am bored. I do kind of enjoy what I do, but it's just the same old routine every day. I get up, I shower, I dry my hair and get dressed etc. etc. etc. and I am bored.

The one thing I really wanted was a dog - a lovely Boston Terrier to add to our little family. Working on our own business was going to enable this - if I was eventually working full time on our business, running a proper shop etc. then I could have the dog with me all day and we wouldn't have to abandon it at home with both of us doing office jobs.

We were also thinking that if Hubby got a job away from the South East there would be better and more affordable locations for us to open up a shop - but now that he's going to be based in London, and probably for the longer term, that's not going to happen.

And I just got a little sad last night as I realised that that dream is slipping away from me and I don't know how to get it back. This is why I'm not an entrepreneur - I get lost and I don't know what to do next. This is probably why it's a good idea for us not to run our own business.

I know I'm being utterly selfish, and I know that Hubby would be distraught if he knew I was feeling this, so I have to get it out of my system on here so that I don't take it out on him.

The stupid thing is that I know this is the right thing for him - he's so happy, and that makes me happy. Having a dog is just not a logical and responsible thing to do for two people who work full time, and are only home for a couple of hours a day, and spend a lot of weekends away from home as well.

I just have to suck it up and realise that we can't have it all. I just have to focus on the great things that I have going on in my life.

Starting with Dave Matthews on Saturday night - I am soooo excited to finally see one of my favourite artists in concert for the first time! And I'm going with my sister, who introduced me to Dave Matthews in the first place. It's going to be awesome!