Last night was weigh in. I knew it was going to be a tough on as I've been away on that course this week - so hotel food and biscuits, hot chocolate etc.
Yesterday at lunch time I snapped. I went to Pret a Manger and bought a Falafel sandwich, a bag of their chocolate popcorn and a brownie (which they have changed the recipe of and is now not as nice).
So, weigh in - 1lb on.
This means, dear readers, that since January, I have lost a whopping total of 6lb. That's pretty shit really.
The problem is that the few weeks where I really worked hard and focused (and felt like I was missing out occasionally), I lost nada. So then, of course, the following week, my subconscious is saying to me "What's the bloody point?" and I end up not working as hard because I can't be bothered.
The thing is, I know that in the long term WW does work for me when I stick to it. The challenge is that even after 12 years, I seem incapable of sticking to it 100% of the time. Not even 75% of the time. I have a life, that life revolves around food, and I still haven't figured out how to socialise and enjoy meals out and still lose weight.
I can exercise all I like, but clearly the whole calories in < out =" weight">
Why can't it just be simple? Why can't it just be a question of eating less and moving more? Why does it have to be about the right mix of protein/carbs etc? Why does exercise have to be so complicated and be a constantly changing thing?
Why is it that I can put on weight so easily? And why is it so hard for me to lose it?
12stone is still a long long way away, and I was really hoping to be nearly there by now. It used to be much easier to get there. Maybe that's getting old for me.
I'm tired as well. Tired of constantly having to control myself and then berate myself when I can't. I'm tired of forcing myself to exercise. I'm tired of eating the same meals over and over because I have no energy left to be more creative. I'm just tired of it all.
And then I realise that I've got to keep this up for the rest of my life. If I ever stop doing it, I know that within a few months I would be seriously obese and even more depressed about it. So I know the answer. I know that I have to just get on with it.
It just feels a little unfair. Why can't the weight just drop off me like it does other people? Why can't I have a faster metabolism?
But hey ho, life is unfair, right? Suck it up.
Today's eatings therefore - porridge (skimmed milk, no sugar or anything), red cabbage, prunes, cooking apple, broccoli and carrots. Dinner: chicken breast (grilled), pasta, oven baked ratatouille (no oil). WW fromage frais for pud.
Is it worth it? I don't know anymore. I don't seem to be getting anywhere. And I know why. Because while I can eat like this 4 days of the week, it's the other 3 where I sabotage myself.
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