Introspective

I have spent the last couple of days doing an "Effective Influencing Skills" course with work.

I went in very miserable about the feedback I had been getting, feeling defensive over WHY I should fundamentally change who I am, and not understanding why I couldn't just be myself.

Without sounding brainwashed. Now I get it.

It's basically all about perception. I got great feedback from my immediate team mates, because they know me well, and I have a lot of credibility with them based on my expertise.

However, those who don't know me appreciate my expertise, but we haven't got that relationship, so therefore my credibility ain't great.

It's a graph - Expertise on the Y axis, and Relationship on the X axis. Get these both at peak, and you have credibility and rapport.

I also understood more about myself and the way that I communicate (I'd never thought of myself as aggressive, but realise that I can be), but also loads more about understanding how to read other people and therefore adapt my style in order to engage with them more.

I found that the 180degree feedback we got told us a lot about the person we had asked, so now I can put together an action plan with specific ways to change my behaviour with certain people. And then, in 6 months, when we ask for the feedback again, I should see my scores improve... and therefore my appraisal results at the end of the year.

However, I DON'T have to change how I really am, just how people see me. I know that I am more comfortable communicating on email, whereas I also know that the people I need to communicate may feel more comfortable on the phone or face to face so I need to make sure that I communicate with each individual in their preferred manner. I may have to start keeping a log.... so I can remember each person's preferences.

I also learnt that my problems with influencing start with that relationship build - I don't have a relationship with some of the senior people I am trying to influence to read my projects, and that's about engaging them before I do the work, but also using other people who they do trust as my advocate to get my foot in the door.

It's going to be really tough, but I think that if I do this, then I will be happier at work and will feel less criticised and more visible. It does go against my nature as I like being behind the scenes, but there you go.

On another note, at least 3 people on the course told me that I should have kids - to get a new perspective on work, and actually other than being a salary, how relatively unimportant it is, once you have a family to look after. I ended up having a really long discussion with the trainers about my lack of enthusiasm around having kids, and although they had them, they could understand where I was coming from.

I tried to start a conversation with Hubby about it, and about whether we should rethink our position, and where usually he would cut the conversation off and just say he didn't want them, he admitted that he was terrified of the prospect. I kind of left it there, but he seemed more willing to try and find out why he feels that way - the start of it is that he feels he would lose his identity and just become "Daddy", but the other part is that he is worried that we would lose the closeness and connection that we have with someone else taking up our focus all the time. I am inclined to agree, and I suspect that my hormones have kicked in, because when I apply rational and logical thought, I can't think of a single good reason to put ourselves through it.

Hubby had a sad birthday though - I wasn't there to wake up with (although I had posted cards and left a present for him to find), but he had to work, which he's never done before, and I didn't get home til half 7. I got one of his presents quite wrong too - I bought him a work briefcase and it's too big and bulky for what he was envisaging. Unfortunately I got it at a special price as it's slightly scuffed and they said no refunds... Anyway, he then felt guilty at not wanting it, and that made him feel even worse and kind of took the shine off the rest of the presents. Oh well. I'm just upset that after 6 years I am still getting him duff presents.

So - that was a long post! Sorry!

On the weightloss/exercise front - not good. Hotel food and snacks etc. Had the terrible run on Monday, and got up at 6 to run on Wednesday and had to push myself to do 5k. I did do half an hour on the bike as well, but it's not been a good week. So - thanks for the vote of confidence those of you who thought I could lose 7lb in 7 weeks. It's not happening, and I shall probably be going on holiday at the same weight that I was in January!

I have realised that running 1005km this year is not going to help with the weight loss, I need to be cleverer and do weights and lunges and interval training etc. etc. to fool my body into not getting complacent. Only I've committed to this fundraising thing now, so not really sure what to do.