too philosophical, or readers worrying that I'm suicidal - what is the point of life? My sister asked me the other day what I really valued in life and what I would be proud of on my death bed, what would I sacrifce everything for? She was hoping to give me an insight into why she had had children.
Hubby worried a year or so ago when I asked him what the point to life was - we get up, we go to work, we get paid, we use the pay to enjoy the free time that we have. Day after day, year after year.
I'm not sure if the two things are related - because while I recognise a certain humdrumity to my life, there are things that I value, and things that I feel I can be proud of.
Above all else, I value and treasure the relationship that I have with my husband, we may have only been married for 3.5 years, together for nearly 6, but he is truly my best friend, my soul mate. However, while I probably would do anything for him, I don't think I would sacrifice everything for him - purely for the reason that if you ask someone to give up everything for you, then it's hardly a balanced relationship. Surely the healthiest and happiest relationships are those where you both bring something, and both get something.
Which kind of brings me on to another point - last night on my usual Radio 2, they were interviewing a philosopher who referenced another's theories on how marriages didn't work sometimes because biology made us select partners for future procreation (a kind of balanced approach - you select someone who has strengths where you have weaknesses so that together your offspring have the best of both), and then the problems would set in after that because while that match might be good for making babies, fundamentally you might not have much common ground.
I'm not sure whether or not I subscribe to this thinking, but I can kind of see how Hubby and I fit in - we don't feel the need to produce offspring, and as a result, we have a strong relationship based on mutual interests, respect and deep love, rather than just lust alone.
It also kind of supports my theory that having children can actually cause a lot of rifts in marriages - and while this is probably the exception rather than the rule, I'm sure it's not really a coincidence in some relationships alongside other factors, of course.
So, what will I be proud of on my death bed?
Well, seeing as I am statistically likely to outlive my husband, and I am the youngest sibling, and probably won't have children - it's unlikely there'll be anyone around my death bed anyway!!
Truth be told - I don't really mind if I'm not proud of anything. As long as I do no harm in the world while I am here, and I continue to have a healthy, happy and loving marriage, that suits me fine. I don't feel the need to leave a legacy behind.
Everyone is different, and whilst I know how sad my parents and sister are that I'm choosing not to have a a family, my response to her questions only confirm what I knew already - I don't want children. There's nothing wrong in that, and while they don't understand me in this, they are at least coming to realise they are unlikely to change my mind.
That said - I'm looking forward to more Meatloaf renditions from my niece and nephew when they come to stay in a couple of weeks - they are a joy to spend time with... just as long as I can give them back!!!
1 comment:
Well, who says you have to have a legacy? And is this the same person who says you have to be PROUD of something whilst on ones deathbed??
Phht.
I do believe that having children changes a couple. You're not the center of each others worlds anymore. You can become complacent with each other...like you're both "locked in", so why try so hard at the marriage? Believe me, I've given this a LOT of thought.
It's your choice not to have children and if you're not feeling it, then you SHOULDN'T...just because most ppl DO doesn't make it the right choice for everyone!
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