Relieved

So, I made the decision to quit WW again for the time being. At least, going to the meetings.

When I am running, I am now doing interval training, which I have been told will improve my weight loss.

Last week, when we got back from holiday, I weighed myself on the Saturday morning, and had gone up to 13st 3lb. I didn't have a great weekend, thinking I'd start from scratch on Monday. Well folks, 4 days of getting back into healthy eating and a couple of half hour runs, and this morning I weighed in at 12st12lb again.

I am really pleased. And I have found a renewed focus. I have also booked an appointment with the doctor to discuss getting Orlistat on prescription. So, progress. I think the Orlistat would be a good idea because it would make me more conscious of what I eat at the weekends and even out my eating through the week, rather than the binge/fast cycle that I got myself onto before the holiday.

I have also semi-decided to look for another job, although I haven't really discussed this with hubby yet, and part of me wants to stick out the next couple of years so that I can cash in my shares. So, maybe I haven't decided at all!!!

I totally get what the company wants from me, and that my boss is trying to develop me into being a great employee, but this week has been horrible. Back to back meetings all day every day, the presentations that I have been putting together have been nothing to do with data analysis and insight, but all about structure and process etc. and I have found it really really hard, and the hard work that I have done hasn't been exactly what was needed, so I've felt thoroughly demoralised.

My boss has told me she thought my last meeting went well, but as I had expected, with her in the meeting, and her having a really clear idea on what she thought was needed, she kind of took over, and I sat and took notes. I think she knew I wasn't happy with how it went so has tried to reassure me, but at this stage, I just feel kind of broken.

I've not got the head space I need to actually work on the skills I learnt in my Influencing course, I haven't had time to plan my workload for the coming quarter, which we are now a third of the way through, and I am feeling just totally unprepared and out of my depth.

I also know though, that if I can DO this, if I can get through and achieve some of the things I've been challenged with, then I should get a good appraisal next year, and hopefully start to feel a bit more confident of things. The problem is that at the moment I just feel my heart racing, tears coming, and just sheer panic whenever I think of what I need to do. Or when I can't think what I need to do because I'm not great at coming up with ideas for these sorts of things.

Hey ho. The weekend ahoy. I have one last 2 hour meeting, then drop the girls off at the cattery and then up the M40 to Cheshire for a 40th Hawaiian themed birthday on Saturday. I have a rubbish party outfit but am accessorising with a lei and a flower hair clip.

Renewed focus on weight loss in the face of all the food that my mother in law usually offers. I shall be running a lot I suspect.