Flip....flop

So, our holiday was pretty eventful as it turned out, and not just because of the whole volcanic ash thing.

(I have heard 2 very funny comments since which I will share with you - a post on Facebook from a friend saying "No, Iceland, you misheard, we said "Send CASH now!"". The other was from a colleague passing something on: "First they go bankrupt and then they set their country on fire, sounds like an insurance scam to me...!")

Anyways. As it happened, our room faced the kids area - there was a climbing apparatus, swings, slides and the day care bit as well all below us. There were kids on the planes with us, and really happy families. And instead of us doing our usual "bloody kids" routine, by the end of the holiday, Hubby turned to me and said "I want to be a good dad".

So - that's a turn up for the books, and only a few days after I found out that my letter to Marie Claire had been printed... although severely edited to make me sound so utterly shallow and selfish and missing my point entirely, but there you go.

Anyhoo, we're now thinking that this time next year, we could be expecting (providing all the biological bits work of course, no assumptions there!). We're going to think on it a bit more as life has changed recently what with Hubby starting a new job in the city, and he may change his mind. I know that if I dwell too much on the practicalities of it all, I'll probably change my mind in a heart beat, so maybe for once I need to let the hormones do their thing.

One thing I do know. I need to get fit and to a healthy weight. I don't want to make pregnancy any harder than it is by being overweight. I don't want to use pregnancy as an excuse to overeat and put on far more weight than I need to. I don't want to be a mum who never loses the baby weight, and then loses herself in being an overweight mum - we saw a few of those on holiday. Women who clearly needed to make themselves indispensable to their families because they felt so unattractive. If I'm a mum, I want to be me, but a better me. A me who takes care of herself and makes sure that she feels beautiful, or at least not deeply unattractive.

It's funny, although I know I've put on a load of weight, and my clothes are tighter, my tan gives me the impression of being more toned - I don't want to give into the deception. So, last night, I hit the gym. I've lost quite a bit of fitness I think, but last night I decided to do interval training instead of just running at a flat speed for ages. I managed half an hour and 5k. I shall do the same on Wednesday, and on Saturday morning (when we're at the in-laws) I shall try an 11k run outside.

I have something to focus on - I want to be 12stone when we go to the USA in September, and I want to be 11stone by Christmas.

So - like I said, a bit of a flip flop and turn up for the books. I can just hear friends and family saying to me now "but we thought you didn't want kids...". Oh well.