Not getting back on track

I am finding it really hard to actually motivate myself to get back on track. Which is weird because I am soooo over my threshold, feel really fat and blobby, am watching Biggest Loser USA and UK to motivate me, going to the gym (but not doing as much as I used to), but I just cannot get in the right head space.

I am making my lunches again, but sometimes they're just not filling me up. I have been lapsing badly but can't seem to do what needs to be done. And I know that if I carry on this way, before too long I will be up at 14stone.

I have even accepted a 2 stone weightloss challenge from a couple of friends. One is 9lb down already, the other had a 5 day holiday in Vegas, ate shit, drank and put on less than a lb. I am 1lb down, but stepped on the scales on Wednesday and was 1lb up again!

I cannot get my head in the game and I don't know what to do to be in the right place. I am hating going to the gym, find yoga the least relaxing and most painful thing.

Take yesterday, I was late leaving work, didn't go to the gym. And now? Hubby is digging the garden, I have nothing to do and should really have taken myself off to the gym and instead I am on the sofa blogging.

Where has my get up and go gone?

In other news - I had a crappy week with appraisals etc, and about 6 emails about new job opportunities, but addressing the situation, I'm staying put. The year ahead will be tough, but I am hoping a new internal role comes up and I can apply for it. I am also hoping to get pregnant of course, so no point jumping ship.

After my dismal failure at peeing on the stick the other day, we had a positive test result for ovulation (woohoo!) on Wednesday. What we failed to build in was the chances of a stressed husband with a migraine, so rather than doing it like bunnies as all my mother-friends have advised me, we managed it once.

However, and while I am not getting my hopes up, since then, I have had mild cramps for the past 2 days, which is very unusual for me, so it may be a sign. I won't know for two weeks when I will have the joy of trying to pee on a different stick.

In the meantime, I have been turning to chocolate and marshmallows to provide comfort and trying to block out the voice in my head that tells me to get off the sofa and go to the gym. It's cold and gale-force windy outside, leaving the house is the last thing I want to do.

In other news, we have been working out our house move options, and tomorrow we are going to drive around a few areas after looking on a genius website called www.commutefrom.co.uk which tells you which stations are a certain length of commute from your chosen London area. Fricking genius, I tells ya.

Unfortunately all the houses cost a bomb and aren't quite right, but we figured we'd go get a feel for different villages and small towns and narrow down the search area. The earliest we could afford to move really is July/August anyway, so we have time. And we weren't planning on really moving this year anyway, but I am getting increasingly frustrated with not being able to park outside my own house, and fed up with the chav-ness of where I work. I want to live somewhere where we can make real friends with others in our road and become a part of the community.

Oh well, we'll see what we can find tomorrow. We shall also be seeing The Green Hornet, and having sushi for dinner. Yum. Although I will have to stick to Miso Soup and Cucumber rolls.