And then there was snow.. and Christmas

I have over anticipated my ability to run this week. I didn't want to risk the roads to the gym on Monday, and then I have had too much to do in the run up to going away tomorrow night so I haven't run at all.

I am also concerned that I won't be able to run at the in-laws as snow is difficult stuff to run on and it's damn cold outside. I'll just have to suck it up and run on the roads that have been cleared.

In the meantime I have been inhaling my homemade Peppermint Bark and shortbread as if there is no tomorrow. This has got to stop.

On the plus side, for the past few months I have not been monitoring my eating and have been eating pretty much what I want... and I haven't put on too much weight at all. That said, if I continue in this pattern, I will be a lot heavier in the New Year.

For those of you reading my blog for sometime, you will know that the holiday period is always a challenge for me - not so much if I am at home or with my parents, but at Hubby's parents there is always something to eat lying around and some sort of compulsion to eat comes over me. I can spend literally 5 days eating/snacking solidly.

This is not good because I always go to bed feeling horrible, guilty and icky, and I never experience hunger pangs, which are good once in a while.

Each year I try and remonstrate with myself (is that a word?) to instil some sense of responsibility, and every year, within about 5 seconds of walking in through the door I find myself reaching for whatever is to hand.

I have to be better this year. I have to take more responsibility, and I have to try and resist temptation without allowing myself to feel deprived. I have to learn to listen to my stomach and stop eating when I'm not hungry, and listen to my head when it tells me that I really shouldn't be eating whatever I am reaching for.

In other news, I am discovering I am not a very patient person, and these past couple of weeks have been endless, and we have 9 days or so before we might even have an inkling that I may be pregnant, and even then it may be a false alarm. In the meantime I have been drinking and trying to not think about it (not by drinking!! More by not assuming that we are lucky enough for it to have worked first time).

The waiting is interminable though and I am not looking forward to going through this every month, so I have been making determined wishes left, right and centre. I don't believe in God, so wishing is my equivalent to praying, and I wish on anything like seeing 2 magpies (2 for joy), to clock times (10:10, 11:11 etc.) if I happen to catch the clock at the right time.

It breaks my heart that there are so many couples out there who have to go through this on a prolonged basis - one of my uni best friends has been trying for over a year now, and I wish it would happen for her.

On the other side, I feel like a bit of a fraud because I'm still not 100% sure I want this, but Hubby does. I just want to KNOW.

Finally, I am spending today writing my appraisal - I hate this time of year. I feel like I am spinning such bullshit to justify myself to my manager, when these things really should be decided based on outputs and feedback from others. Our company rates us 50% on achievement of objectives and 50% on "how" we behave. I hate it. I am damn good at my job, and hate having to talk myself up in the knowledge that while I may believe I deserve a "meets and exceeds" chances are that I will be forced to take a "meets" because our department has to fit into a "Normal" curve, and there are others more deserving than I.

I am preparing myself for another crappy <1% payrise and rubbish bonus, and trying to feel positive about the fact that I will get either when there are those that won't.

Anyhoo - Happy Holidays to you all, may you indulge in moderation and get the most out of your time off, and may family arguments be kept to a minimum.... now, where did I put that Peppermint Bark?