Another pretty crappy week. Kidney infection has taken a week to clear enough for me to feel better.
I was 3 days late, and with every day I was late, I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, I might be pregnant. Especially as the kidney infection came out of nowhere, and apparently are more rife in pregnant women.
Then I tested again, and nothing, and today order was restored.
Thing is, Hubby and I have always fallen on our feet - everything has pretty much worked out in our favour, aside from the more fleeting crappy moments, for the most part, things have gone well for us.
We've always had this faith in what will be, will be, but with a degree of confidence that things will go our way.
Lately though, I find myself losing faith in that. I'm not a religious person in the slightest. I believe to an extent in destiny and fate, but also that we do make our own luck and have some control over our future.
But with the house cards not falling our way, and then the not getting pregnant (although, admittedly, we could be doing more), we're both feeling that we're in limbo. Like there's nothing we can do, and while we do have to trust to something else, we no longer have that confidence in our own luck/fate etc. that things will come right.
On the plus side, because we aren't expecting yet, it prolongs our window for holidays now, so we are planning a 2 week trip to the USA again. A round trip route starting in Vegas, and taking in Zion, Bryce, Monument Valley and Canyonlands. We figure that I'll be, at maximum 5 months. Barely showing, and certainly still active enough for doing some hiking and sight seeing.
So, to Plan B. Maybe by booking something we'll tempt fate in some way?!
Who knows, but in the meantime, I guess I'm just going to have to try and find some trust in something again, I just don't know what at the moment.
In other news - I've spent the past week scarfing biscuits and other comfort food, whilst mostly staying on the sofa. So, no exercise and lots of food.... weight gain.
Got to get back on track.
3 comments:
I know you said you weren't a religious person but I'm still gonna pray for you to get to feeling better and get preggers!! The trip sounds wonderful!!
Kidney infection sounds horrible, but the trip sounds amazing. Don't lose hope. What will be, will be. Fingers crossed.
Here's wishing that your hopes are fulfilled ...
I am rediscovering parenthood with 5 lively grandchildren. They run rings round me. And talking about religious faith, or the lack of it, I fear death less for seeing myself and my dear wife in our children and our children's children. For there is no Heaven awaiting me.
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